Today was one of those days where I did something so utterly inexcusable that I just wanted to crawl under something and die. This self-proclaimed death sentence wasn’t from something I did to embarrass myself but feeling embarrassed of someone else.
Here it is, so hold your breath…
It was my nearly 3-year-old little girl. My pumpkin, my witty little jokester, my beautiful Disney singing princess. I was embarrassed of her today.
That feeling came and went and SHOOK me to the core with guilt. I wish it was because of something she did. Some annoying way she acted or a tantrum she threw…but it wasn’t.
I was embarrassed because I thought she was annoying someone that I have been trying to gain acceptance from. And in my dumb, stupid, idiotic mind (okay, I’m being dramatic, but the guilt is real), I thought for a split second that maybe she was ruining my chances.
WHO DOES THAT??
What kind of a mom feels that way about her own kid?! Obviously, the insecure kind. The kind that will go to great lengths to feel accepted.
Galatians 5:1 says, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Why do I keep submitting myself to this yoke of slavery? This bondage of NEEDING to feel accepted. So much so that my very own child gets caught in the crosshairs.
I promised myself I would be authentic in this blog, but man, this one’s hard. And honestly, it’s a pill I’m having a hard time swallowing.
This is the wake up call I needed to really partner with God about these feelings of belonging. Because I already belong. We all do. As sons and daughter of the King. Somehow, in the throes of life and people, I forget I’m an heir.
Pray with me that the chains that hold me and so many others will be broken in the name of Jesus.
Here’s to keeping it real – one post at a time.
God bless, yall.